Why we lose confidence as we get older

As we get older, we may notice that our confidence levels start to decline. Joy! I hear you say.

I find this conversation quite apt given that today is my birthday and I ask myself why do women lose their confidence as we get older?

Is that true? Conversely, all I heard when I hit forty was you won’t give a flying feck anymore, you care less about what people think.

Whilst I have found that to be true, I have also found that there are so many external factors that can compromise that.

How many of you have felt less sure of yourselves and your abilities, and find yourselves questioning your decisions and actions more frequently? My hand went up at ‘less sure’ how about you?

Here’s three external factors that can be attributed to this loss of confidence, which really needs micro chipping as it’s really difficult to find again once it’s lost!

Fear of failure

Getting older can often be associated with becoming more risk-averse. We may have experienced failure in the past and are afraid of repeating those experiences. Or, like me have developed a completely irrational fear of flying, which works out really well when I have to fly half way across the and back!

We may no longer want to jump out of planes with parachutes for fun and won’t risk addressing the comfort factor of our lives, being happy with ‘good enough’ and ‘content’.

The same goes when we refrain from applying for a new career role, because we fear we don’t have the skills or capability to do the job. Despite the fact that men will apply for those roles when they meet only 60% of the qualifications required.

Taking risks and trying new things are key to building our confidence.

Life transitions

Life transitions, such as a change in career, the loss of a loved one or leaving your job to start out on your own can also contribute to a loss of confidence.

Speaking from experience, grief played a huge part in my loss of confidence, not so much the process of grief but the fact that I had lost my safe space…forever! The person that believed in me the most had gone, leaving me to question everything.

Relocating your life to another country, a new baby, the loss of a relationship can all knock our confidence.

These transitions can be really challenging. What we need to do in these situations is rediscover who we are again, connect with our identity and purpose and rebuild.

Negative self-talk

OK so this is what I would class as an internal factor, as we tend to engage in negative self-talk, such as telling ourselves that we are not good enough or that we will never succeed a lot.

Is this exacerbated as we get older? Do we become more critical of ourselves and our abilities? Or has that always been part of low self esteem?

Negative self talk is definitely heightened when we find ourself in a life transition or a situation where we have failed and need to make a decision about what to do next. Though how much of that can be attributed to age versus circumstance at a stage in your life? Regardless, the good news is it can be overpowered.

These ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) can be drowned out by our loving PETS (Powerful Empowering thoughts), think about it like your cat batting away those pesky ants! The more we bat back at our negative self talk the more confident we will begin to feel and start being nicer to ourselves.

The key to all of this is to understand these factors and take steps to address them, you can work to regain your confidence and live your best life. Like anything though it takes time and consistent practice.

Remember, confidence is not something that is fixed or unchanging - it is a quality that can be cultivated and nurtured throughout your life.

If you want help to regain your confidence, no matter how old you are, fill in the form below and I’ll send you my brand new ebook on Curating Confidence.