Friend or Foe?
“Your are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”
Whether we like it or not we reflect the characteristics of the people with whom we surround ourselves with. So how long is it since you took a relationship audit to discover if your husband, partner, friend or colleague are friend or foe?
Do you remember your mum ever saying to you ‘They’re a bad influence!’? Well, she was right, they were, and that applies to our adult life too, we may have swapped the White Diamond for a Sauvignon Blanc and the cigarettes for a hazelnut latte but the principle is still the same.
Our relationships influence our way of thinking, our decision making processes and our self esteem.
For example; Annabel wants that promotion at work but needs to learn a new skill and find out more about the department head to be considered.
Her colleague who she sits next to everyday discredits her idea, engaging in derogatory talk about the department boss and work gossip about how the department is not performing. Annabel’s family thinks she should stay where she is, she’s earning a good wage, why upset the apple cart? Her partner feels she probably isn’t ready for it, placing self doubt in her head about her abilities and as a side note reminds Annabel that it may mean she has to work more hours, which means more time away from home and them.
I don’t know about you but I'‘m getting angry just typing the above example! I can feel the negative emotions of projection being poured over Annabel. The fear of Annabel investing in herself and leaving her work colleague to move upwards and onwards, the emotional guilt and manipulation by her partner and the general fixed mindset of her family.
So be honest, if you held a mirror up to your relationships right now, what would they reflect back to you? Are they reflecting how you see yourself and feel right now? If you’re feeling lethargic, low and stuck, could it be the result of a family member, a friend who you have just got off the phone with or your living arrangements?
Here’s 5 questions to ask yourself once you have assessed who your immediate 5 people are that you spend your most time with.
What am I learning from this relationship?
Is this a relationship that shares knowledge freely to support you and vice versa? Does it challenge you to find more out about your internal and external world. Has it given you a different perspective and adopts the characteristics you want to embody, like loyalty, kindness, curiosity and fun!
What have I discovered about myself?
Have you discovered a new lease on life? Have you found inner confidence to do something you have always wanted to do. Have you realised that the fear holding you back was linked to pain that you needed to let go of. Have you recognised you have the resilience to see this through.
How can I make it stronger (if that’s the case)?
What can you do in your relationships to make them stronger, find greater connection and broaden their networks. Can you find time every week to call, to meet or catch up or hold each other lovingly accountable? Do you need to invest time with your partner sans kids to make sure you keep talking and rediscovering new things about each other?
Are the people in my life empowering me?
Are your five people on your journey with you? Celebrating the wins and consoling your in the losses but inspiring you to get back up on your feet. Do they tell you the raw truth from a place of love that helps you get back on the right path. Do you empower them? Is that received?
Do I need to exit?
If you have answered no to most of the questions above then an exit strategy is in order. Don’t feel bad, you don’t have to be cruel but you do need to be firm with yourself. Say no to those drinks, reach out less and less, confront your relationship with your partner and see if you can resolve some of the issues. Implement boundaries which allow you to distance yourself as you find your network, your famous five.
How should it feel I hear you asking, why is it so important?
You want to feel great right? Positive and like you are getting closer to your goals, your vision your purpose for being?
To contribute to this new version of you, surround yourself with friends, colleagues and a partner that make you feel limitless. That support you in your endeavours with no judgment, just questions that challenge you to think differently. They introduce you to networks that expand your mindset and open doors to opportunities. They inspire you to keep going and give you the confidence to venture into new territory both, mentally , physically and emotionally.
Now ask yourself, what kind of future do you see for yourself and who is going to help you get there? Seek them out, build authentic relationships with them, remember like attracts like so choose wisely. These could be friends for life!
Checkout my #fridaytakeaway video below if you’re more of a video person…