Is Equality Abandoning our Name in Marriage?
Ladies - Please think twice before changing your name when you get married!
I say to myself as I sit at my computer trying to change major paperwork back into my maiden after 3 days of roadblocks!
You see if you want to change your name on your driving licence, you need your passport.
If you want to change your bank account you need your passport or driving licence, which are both in my married name, so I also need my marriage certificate.
As I became more and more frustrated it struck me, that in all my 15 years of marriage and 5 years separation my husband has never needed our marriage certificate and never will.
He has never needed to send our marriage certificate off with the decree, to change his name back. He has never needed our marriage certificate or decree to open a bank account, to prove he has exited a relationship or to prove his identity so he can get paid.
This is the list I needed to change my name back to the ‘real me’ on my passport;
Passport
Birth Certificate (original)
Decree absolute or final order
Marriage certificate
A signed and dated letter (I’m assuming from myself) saying I intend to use my maiden name for all purposes, I mean really?!?
And that’s not all…
A utility bill (that’s if you have managed to change back to your maiden name with your employer, as you can’t rent a place if you can’t pay wages and if your names don’t match, go back to the start and don’t collect 200!)
A bank statement...don’t get me started!
And as for all you banks online that are happy for me to change my address, I can house hop all I like, but changing my name back to the real me...woo woo woo! Computer says no!
Forgive me for thinking this world is set up to make exiting a marriage as difficult as possible, for a woman.
Why do we allow our identity, our name to be replaced by a mans? We marry as equals, 2 individuals entering into a union full of hope, promise and love, how does giving up your name contribute to that?
And if you want to reclaim your identity, God forbid!
What if you are in or, have been in a relationship where your partner has control over you, your finances, the mortgage, car loans, insurance, what if your name is on those loans. How hard and truly awful that would be?!
Ladies I state my plea again, unless the archaic system, legal, financial or otherwise wakes up and smells the waft of perfume around the table and asks for a female opinion on these matters and instigates changes that benefit both sexes, do not change your name when you get married!
Believe me you never marry thinking it will be all over one day, but just under half of marriages end in divorce in the UK and Australia.
Just make life simple for yourself, your identity is precious, why would you change that. You are perfectly capable of being in a marriage and still being the fabulous you that you are.
‘Baby think twice’…to paraphrase Celine Dion
The above post is my own personal opinion.