Stop Asking for Permission: How to Become a Leader in Your Own Life.

“If the shoe was on the other foot you would be making the decision for both of us.”

Those are the words I yelled at my then husband when I had told him about my job offer 120 miles away from the village we lived in. You see that was it for us, we had bought in the village a few years before and our destiny it seemed was predetermined, forever in that lovely little English village.

Thing is, I knew deep down I was never staying. The fact that my life was mapped out didn’t sit right with me and I wanted to design my own path, one that was unknown.

My career wasn’t evolving as fast as my husbands, as I was alway unsure how to pursue my purpose in life, but I knew it was more likely to present itself 120 miles away in a new environment around new faces and experiences.

That moment was the first moment I became aware of agency. My ability to make a decision in my best interests that would, as it turned out, become a major sliding door moment.

Portishead, Bristol. The transition (though I didn't know it at the time) between a sleep village and Australia.

Becoming a leader in your own life. It’s simpler than you think.

Making a decision is simple right? Our ability to make a decision is one that is as simple as saying yes or no in a moment, but that’s an action. Our actions have consequences and that’s the hard part.

How your decisions affect others and the impact of that. But here’s the thing, there’s considering other people's needs and then there’s considering your own. As women we rarely do the latter. Isn’t that selfish though? This has been said to me more than once from clients… the answer is no.

This isn’t about being selfish, this is about happiness, living into your true self fully and without apology. No one is going to do that for you, they are not going to live the life that you want. Only you know what you want, you may be afraid to go out and get it but that’s exactly the point.

Ask yourself, is this where you thought you would be at this point in your life?

Are you living your life on repeat with habits that have naturally taken over so you don’t have to make a decision, a choice. Are you in a relationship with your partner, friends or family that dictate your decisions and dampen your vision of what your life could be like? Are you stuck in a role at work because your limiting beliefs are stopping you from doing what you actually want to do?

Becoming a leader: It starts with you. Here’s how.

CHOICE

This is your superpower. The power of choice can dramatically change the course of your life. Your decisions shape your destiny, from the ones you make in a moment, to the life altering decisions you may have no control over.

So let's break that down to the power of three.

1. TAKE CONTROL

You can’t control what happens around you but you can control how you react. You can choose how you respond, what to focus on, what it means and what to do.

Take a moment right now to think about how you are reacting to things around you. Are your choices made quickly for an easy life? Are they because you don’t want to upset someone (people pleasing)? Are they too involved in something or someone that actually is absorbing a lot of your time and energy? Are they beholden to your limiting beliefs?

One simple choice you make today can be the start of something so much bigger.

2. MAKING DECISIONS

The power in saying two words can be the difference between living a mediocre life or the life you really want.

Saying yes to things you wouldn’t normally say yes to. That night out with friends, the networking conference, leading on a project at work, saying yes to trying something different.

Honestly saying yes can change your life, if I hadn’t said yes to a networking invitation I would have never met my now partner.

Saying no. This is a toughie but vital in being a leader in your own life. Saying no is hard because sometimes it means saying no to things that you have been doing forever (those habits you just do), taking the kids over there, going out of your way to do something when you know you don’t have time, don’t want to, or know you’re going to come away regretting it. Or it could mean confrontation, which is challenging for many of us.

Yet it can be as simple as no I don’t want to watch that, no I’m not going to do that today, you go ahead but I’m going to do my own thing. Because remember you’re an individual, you have things that you like to do that are different.

Start saying no to things that you know you don’t want to do, it will help to build your confidence and give you time back to think about what you want.

3. YOUR PEEPS

It’s a well known saying, you are the average of the 5 people you hang out with, so choose wisely. Your partner, family and friends. They don’t always have your best interests at heart.

Are your relationships empowering you? What are you learning from them? Are you able to be completely yourself in them and not feel you're playing a part.

Take another moment to think about your inner circle. If you held a mirror up to your relationships in that circle, what are they reflecting back to you?

Are they reflective of how you are feeling right now? If there is negativity, take the lead on either working it through or placing some boundaries between you for a while.

Everything we do starts with a choice, stop waiting for permission to use it. The choice is always yours.

Choosing to ask for help? Let’s talk.